unappreciated?

Gosh!Yesterday was the last day of school.Finally.
Its holidays.The holiday session.
I wait since forever for this.I seriously dont
give a fuck how bad i did for the test.For now, i need this.
So bad.

Exhausting day yesterday.Been outside from 8am till 11pm is
super tiring.Especially when i slpt like 3am the night before.
I went from going to my grandma's place to the expo to the airport to
send my cousins off to India then to having late dinner.

---

I've been fighting this war within me recently. It seems that the more i pushed myself to the limit, i kept losing my battles. Taking one step forward and moving 3 step back.If i were watching right for afar, i would probably see the way my shoulders sag, my eyes lowered as i walk, how i up to the sky in search of hope ,on occasion a smile on my lips that doesn't quite reach the eyes, a song on the radio that i listen to intently without blinking, lest with the next blink should drop a tear that seems to be standing guard.Sometimes these feelings come and go.Sometimes I chase it away, i scare it off, i even laugh at it, most of the time i pretend i don't see it like a wild cat chasing after me.When i do that it goes away for a week or two but it always sniffs me back. And each time the madness in his eyes looks different. Sometimes i fight it, sometimes i let it consume me.

Last night i slept in darkness.Total,black darkness. Cry myself to sleep.I closed my eyes and hoped for so much til i lost count of my own words, til i drifted to an abyss as deep as the gaping hole in my soul.

Yesterday wasn't the limit until he text.It somehow help.Alot.Thanks kacang!
maybe he's right.I am thinking too much.but mayb not.