It makes me wanna cry.

Ouch! If only the feeling was just ouch!
If only.
I cannt believe over the years friendship has taken a toll on me.
I completely lost myself in it and behave in such a pathetic way.
Oh God...please help me...
pleasee..

I came a cross a blog which belongs to a friend of mine. I dont know why i read it in the first place but i did.
I came across a post that she recently wrote which hits me harder than i thought. Way HARDER.
She wrote about things that i've kept and didn't wish to publish it online.
Painful yet true.
If only she knew how the real situation was..
I badly wanna talk.I badly wanna make things clear.
But have you ever wonder how?
What state you people put me into?
I've lost everything that means so much for me.
Everything at once.
In just a phone call.
Wait up.
Hold on.
I couldn't reach for the pause button!
Wait.
Somebody help.

You mean so much to me.
Tho sometimes we rarely talk.
We've been thru shits.
We cried and laugh together.
But when this happen..
For once i thought you've backstabbed me.
I thought you played me for a fool.
Tergamak kau?
IF ONLY YOU KNEW THE REAL STORY.
IF ONLY.

Aku hanya manusia.Bukan malaikat.
I was harder for me than it was for you.
I have difficulties trusting people but i trusted you over the years.
I thought you knew me.Again i was wrong.
I was about alot of things.


Have you ever wonder how it was for me?
How was it like for me?
How i was feeling?
Mad?
Crazy?
Why i behave in such a way towards you?
How hard is it to lose someone that means so much to you?
Oh i bet you do.But you too lazy to care.
You always said you never cared what others would think of you.
You then became too ignorant to care.
You pretended as tho nothing happen.
How long could i stand living in such a pretentious world?
How much longer?


I tried to understand.
Tried very hard.
Now i knew it was a waste.
Noone seem to notice.
Oh damn not even you!

Do anyone hear me cry?

I had to lied to myself.
Lied to the world.
I can't believe i LIED.

Fuck it was harder than i thought.
More painful than i imagine.

I'm happy for you.
Oh at least i'm trying to be.
Things were history by now.
Something that i shall look upon and learn from it.
Girl, you deserved such great happiness.
You do.
Take my word that i shall NEVER bother you.

I didn't know that while i was stuggling and trying so hard
i was misjudge.
what was i surpose to do?
Shut up and swollow my pain?
Nasty words?
was it even true?
Now tell me what should i do?
I had to say this.
I am sorry if i ruin it for you in anyway.
I truly am.
I sincerely am.

Thank you.
For atleast coming into my life.

Oh you never once my enemy..
Never will be...


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